The Gift of the Third Magus

Three magi, wise men from the East, witnessed a star rising and set forth to follow the star until it stopped, for there they would find the child born king of the Jews as they wished to pay homage and bestow gifts upon him.

When the star stopped above an inn in Bethlehem, the magi were overwhelmed with joy. Carrying treasure chests, they entered the inn, only to be escorted to a stable. There, surrounded by shepherds, sheep and a donkey, they came upon the child asleep in a straw-filled manger and with his parents, Mary and Joseph, at his side. And the three magi knelt and paid homage to the King of Kings.

The first wise man opened his treasure chest and gifted the child a trove of gold. And Mary and Joseph and the shepherds and the sheep and the donkey gushed in awe at the generosity of the first magus.

The second wise man opened his treasure chest and gifted the child frankincense whose aroma filled the night air. And Mary and Joseph and the shepherds and the sheep and the donkey gasped in astonishment at the magnanimity of the second magus.

All eyes turned to the third magus, a frail old man. His head stooped almost to the ground such was the humility of his homage. A long silence and stillness followed until all except the child grew restless with impatience.

The first magus coughed politely and nudged his elderly companion and whispered, ‘Comicus, you’re on.’

The old man stirred with a long creaking of his back and opened his treasure chest with a long creaking of its lid. And all except the child leant forward in eager anticipation.

But the chest appeared empty. And all except the child sighed in disappointment.

The old man’s gnarled hand slowly reached inside the chest and grasped a small cylindrical parcel with wrapping twisted at either end. And the third magus presented his gift to the child. And all except the child looked about at each other, confused and more than a tad underwhelmed, until Joseph said, ‘What in Christ’s name is that?’

Cupping his hand to his ear, the third magus shouted, ‘PARDON, YOUNG MAN?’

‘The thing in your hand. What is it?’

‘IT IS A BON-BON.’

‘A bon-bon?’

‘YES, YOU KNOW, A CHRISTMAS CRACKER.’

‘What the hell do you do with that?’

But before the old man could answer, a chubby hand rose from the crib and grasped one end of the bon-bon and pulled hard. With a pop and a snap, the bon-bon burst open and three objects fell to the ground: a paper crown, a novelty toy cross and a papyrus.

The third magus placed the paper crown upon his head and opened the papyrus and read, ‘A MESSIAH AND HIS TWELVE DISCIPLES WALKED INTO A BAR—’

‘Enough, you fool!’ the first magus said. ‘You had one job to do. The simplest job in the history of mankind. Where the bloody hell is the myrrh?’

‘WHAT MYRRH?’

‘The myrrh. The gift of the third magus. Like we agreed.’

‘OH, MYRRH. I THOUGHT YOU SAID MIRTH.’